Raise your hand if you have been at the end of unsolicited parenting advice or parenting comparisons. My hand is so high in the sky right now I could face palm an airplane.
Here is the deal. I love talking to people and hearing their opinions on just about every subject. I mostly love talking to people who have an opposing opinion since that is when you really get the chance to grow. BUT when it comes to parenting advice, especially unsolicited, I usually shut down pretty quick. I get it, my two year old that hasn't had a nap is grouchy and not listening, but that doesn't mean I need advice on how to correct the situation or that I need to know about when your toddler was two they never acted that way and you walked to school uphill both ways... blah... blah...blah.
It's not that I don't think what someone else has to say isn't valuable or that I don't appreciate the effort. The issue is most of the time, parents have already tried every tactic and every kid is different, so the advice just seems either not practical for the child, outdated, or judgmental. Sometimes, we are also in active parenting mode, so it distracts us from the real issue when we have to stop and consider your advice. So please, let us deal with the current situation, don't interrupt, don't try to help and coach our kids while we are actively speaking to them. It just adds to our frustration and the child's confusion.
If you can't tell by now, I have a strong aversion to parenting comparisons from people who have adult children and how their kids acted when they were young. Nothing gets my blood boiling faster than someone telling me how their child was different when they were three years old twenty years ago. Immediately, cue my eye roll and strong opinion of how full of sh*t their comparison is. Things have drastically changed over the decades and that usually includes their memory and perception of events. So no, your three year old didn't sit through a two hour meal and politely ask for food to be passed while only speaking while spoken to. They are not built to sit still, they are not inherently wired to be adults with patients and manners. It takes time and consistent instruction and even then things may fall apart on the best of days.
In all honesty, the overwhelming majority of people give advice out of compassion and love for you but that doesn't mean you have to take it to heart. Listen when you want and ignore when you want. You know what is best for your child because you spend the most time with them.
*Advice for the advice givers* We don't need advice, we need a shower. Hold the baby, play with the toddler, let us shower, eat a real meal, and maybe take a nap. We will be forever grateful for that. If by chance we do want advice we will ask for it.
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